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Blow job Etiquette ( By a woman )

1. First and foremost, we are not obligated to do it.

2. Extension to rule #1- So if you get one, be grateful.

3. I don't care WHAT they did in the porn video you saw; it is not standard practice to cum

    on someone's face.

4. Extension to rule #3- No I DON'T have to swallow.

5. My ears are NOT handles.

6. Extension to rule#5- do not push on the top of my head. Last I heard, deep throat had been done. And

    additionally, do you really WANT puke on your dick?

7. I don't care HOW relaxed you get' it is NEVER OK to fart.

8. Having my period does not mean that it's "hummer week" -get it through your head- I'm bloated and I feel like

    shit so no, I don't feel particularly obligated to blow you just YOU can't have sex right now.

9. Extension to #8- "Blue balls" might have worked on high school girls- if your that desperate, go jerk off and

    leave me alone with my Midol.

10. If I have to pause to remove a pubic hair from my teeth, don't tell me I've just "wrecked it" for you.

11. Leaving me in bed while you go play video games immediately afterwards is highly inadvisable if you would

      like my behavior to be repeated in the future.

12. If you like how we do it, it's probably best not to speculate about the origins of our talent. Just enjoy the

      moment and be happy that we're good at it. See also rule #2 about gratitude.

13. No, it doesn't particularly taste good. And I don't care about the protein content.

14. No, I will NOT do it while you watch TV.

15. When you hear your friends complain about how they don't get blow jobs often enough, keep your mouth

      shut. It is inappropriate to either sympathize or brag.

16. Just because "it's awake" when you get up does not mean I have to "kiss it good morning".